im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
