Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
