I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
