We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm always down for nudity.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
