Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
