Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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