I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
