I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
