I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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