I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
