just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
