whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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