The maid of honor just puked.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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