but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
