you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
