Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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