5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
