ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
