Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That accounts for only three of the penises
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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