You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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