I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
