If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
