come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
