remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
