You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You smell like stripper and shame
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm at about main and main street
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
