turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
