literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
