Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
