Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
