Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
