u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
