ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
