You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
