i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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