Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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