I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
