Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
