We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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