I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
