you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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