would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
