I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
