The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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