kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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