dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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