In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
