I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
