Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Too much gin, very little bucket
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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