We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
