Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
