why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
