I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
