Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
