I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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