I want to walk on stilts...naked
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
