you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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